-code -comments -funny opinion

A collection of 100 funny source code comments

Here are some funny source code comments found across the net that come from in various software and web-based applications, and I thought I would share them with you.

/**
* For the brave souls who get this far: You are the chosen ones,
* the valiant knights of programming who toil away, without rest,
* fixing our most awful code. To you, true saviors, kings of men,
* I say this: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,
* never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry,
* never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
*/


// 
// Dear maintainer:
// 
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
// 
// total_hours_wasted_here = 42
//


// When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing
// Now, God only knows


stop(); // Hammertime!


// Autogenerated, do not edit. All changes will be undone.


// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will 
// have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets 
// released into the public.


// somedev1 -  6/7/02 Adding temporary tracking of Login screen
// somedev2 -  5/22/07 Temporary my ass


// drunk, fix later


// Magic. Do not touch.


#define TRUE FALSE // Happy debugging suckers


// I'm sorry.


/*
 * You may think you know what the following code does.
 * But you dont. Trust me.
 * Fiddle with it, and youll spend many a sleepless
 * night cursing the moment you thought youd be clever
 * enough to "optimize" the code below.
 * Now close this file and go play with something else.
 */ 


// This code sucks, you know it and I know it.  
// Move on and call me an idiot later.


double penetration; // ouch


/////////////////////////////////////// this is a well commented line


// I am not sure if we need this, but too scared to delete.


doRun.run();  // ... "a doo run run".


// I am not responsible of this code.
// They made me write it, against my will.


/* Please work */


// Dear future me. Please forgive me. 
// I can't even begin to express how sorry I am.


/* You are not meant to understand this */


// I am not sure why this works but it fixes the problem.


// no comments for you
// it was hard to write
// so it should be hard to read


/* Halley's comment */


options.BatchSize = 300; // Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!


// I have to find a better job


// hack for ie browser (assuming that ie is a browser)


... or die // bitch


/* These magic numbers are fucking stupid. */


/* We will NOT put a fucking timestamp in the header here. Every
   time you put it back, I will come in and take it out again. */


/* FIXME: please god, when will the hurting stop? Thus function is so
   fucking broken it's not even funny. */


# code below replaces code above - any problems?
 # yeah, it doesn't fucking work.


# However, this only works if there are MULTIPLE checkboxes!
# The fucking JS DOM *changes* based on one or multiple boxes!?!?!
# Damn damn damn I hate the JavaScript DOM so damn much!!!!!!


last = first; /* Biblical reference */


/*
This isn't the right way to deal with this, but today is my last day, Ron
just spilled coffee on my desk, and I'm hungry, so this will have to do...
*/


return 12; // 12 is my lucky number


// I know the line below is wrong, but it came that way from our IP vendor, and 
// the driver won't work if you "fix" it. I've had to revert this change 4 times
// now. Leave it alone, or I will hunt you down and hurt you
if (r = 0) {
    /* bunch of code here */
}
else
{
   /* even more code here */
}


// this comment included for the benefit of anyone grepping for swearwords: shit.


// This comment is self explanatory.


virgin = 0; /* you're not a virgin anymore, sweety */


// John! If you'll svn remove this once more,
// I'll shut you, for God's sake!
// That piece of code is not "something strange"!
// That is THE AUTH VALIDATION.


// TODO: Fix this.  Fix what?


/*
after hours of consulting the tome of google
i have discovered that by the will of unknown forces
without the below line, IE7 believes that 6px = 12px
*/


//
//3.4  JeK  My manager promised me a lap dance if I can fix this release
//3.5  JeK  Still waiting for that dance from my manager
//3.6  JeK  My manager got changed, the new manager is hairy, dont want the dance anymore
//3.7  Jek  Got that dance, yuck!
//


/* Mark: If there's one thing you learn from this code, it is this...
   Never, ever fly Air France.  Their customer service is absolutely
   the worst.  I've never heard the words "That's not my problem" as 
   many times as I have from their staff -- It should, without doubt
   be their corporate motto if it isn't already.  Don't bother giving 
   them business because you're just a pain in their side and they
   will be sure to let you know the first time you speak to them.

   If you ever want to make me happy just tell me that you, too, will
   never fly Air France again either (in spite of their excellent
   cuisine). 

   Update by oej: The merger with KLM has transferred this
   behaviour to KLM as well. 
   Don't bother giving them business either...

   Only if you want to travel randomly without luggage, you
   might pick either of them.
   */


// I can't divide with zero, so I have to divide with something very similar
result = number / 0.00000000000001;


// If you're reading this, that means you have been put in charge of my previous project.
// I am so, so sorry for you. God speed.


// If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia. If not, I don't know
// who wrote it


// if i ever see this again i'm going to start bringing guns to work


// I put on my robe and wizard hat...


// The following strings are meant to be funny.  Do not edit these strings
// unless you are funny, too.  If you don't know if you're funny, you're
// not funny.  If fewer than 2 people unrelated to you have told you that 
// you're funny, you're not funny.


// I'm sorry, but our princess is in another castle.


// Abandon all hope ye who enter beyond this point


// ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US


/*

** The author disclaims copyright to this source code.  In place of             
** a legal notice, here is a blessing:                                          
**                                                                              
**    May you do good and not evil.                                             
**    May you find forgiveness for yourself and forgive others.                 
**    May you share freely, never taking more than you give.

*/


/*
 * If you don't understand this code, you should be flipping burgers instead.
 */


/* Ah ah ah! You'll never understand why this one works. */


// You are not expected to understand this


// this formula is right, work out the math yourself if you don't believe me


// No comment...


// this is where the dragon lives


// oh crap, we should do something.


// Comment this later!


// TODO make this work


# This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.


// If you delete the credits, I will fucking kill you.


// If you're reading this, then my program is probably a success


/***************************************************************************/
/*  deep wizardry. do not touch.                                           */
/*                                                                         */
/*  no seriously.  XXXXXX I'm looking at you. If you screw with this again */
/*  I will kill you with my swingline stapler.                             */
/*                                                                         */
/***************************************************************************/


// Remove this if you wanna be fired


// (c) 2000 Applied Magic, Inc.
// Unauthorized use punishable by torture, mutilation, and vivisection.


"This code makes baby Jesus very sad!"


// This is crap code but it's 3 a.m. and I need to get this working.


// Jesus told me to skip to the end of the message here


//  Hey, your shoe's untied!


//  Keep looking!  I think it was the other shoe!


//  How strange -- I must be seeing things.  Anyhow, I'm going to go take a shower, now...


// Houston, we have a problem


// This should fix something that should never happen


/* And now, getting all of that to look half decent in the retarded step brother of the browser family, Internet Fucking Explorer */


// For the sins I am about to commit, may James Gosling forgive me


/* 2,191 lines of complete and utter shit coming up... */


/* Sun, you just can't beat me, you just can't.  Stop trying,
* give up.  I'm serious, I am going to kick the living shit
* out of you, game over, lights out.
*/


// A Gorgon class - For the love of Zeus don't look directly at it!


Tweet tweet = (Tweet) tweets.get(i); // Poetic.


// Okay, let's do the loop, yeah come on baby let's do the loop
// and it goes like this ...


// This code was written by a genius so don't try to understand it with
// your tiny little brain.


// This was clearly written under duress


#TODO: Matt Damon


/* Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... */


// Cabbage fart?


/* Every time I re-visit this function, I feel like
 * I need to take a shower.
 *
 * Don't get too used to this function, its days are
 * numbered.
 */


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